The hardest relationship I’ll ever have is the one with myself. I’ve always been my worst enemy and toughest critic. It really is crazy how I am the one who has stood in the way of things I want to accomplish and not only that, but I’m the voice in my head telling myself I can’t do it. I wish I didn’t have that mindset. I’ve spent the last couple months really trying to repair the relationship I have with myself and it hasn’t been easy but the starting point has been self talk. I’ve had to stop myself many times when I’m in the middle of putting myself down and remind myself that I wouldn’t ever speak to my best friend or my mom like that, so why me? And that has been the turning point for me.
Why do we treat ourselves worse than anyone we meet? I know I am always telling myself I’m not good enough to accomplish the goals I want in life or if I eat poorly one week I tell myself I have gone off track and lost all progress I’ve made at the gym. It’s so twisted. One burger once in a blue moon isn’t going to ruin my progress but if I let myself believe it, it will. If I believe the lies my brain tells myself then I won’t be able to accomplish anything I desire because I’ve lost before I’ve ever even started.
If all I do is talk down to myself and have awful self dialogue then how can I ever except someone to value me if I don’t see the value in myself. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like this for me in every aspect of my life but it’s apparent for me in my professional life. Probably because I spend 9 hours a day working a job that I’m not passionate about nor do I fall in love with the work I do. I always tell people life is too short to spend it doing something you hate..maybe I should take my own advice.
I crave creativity and passion projects. The simple things that can light a spark in my soul and really make me feel like I am a part of something. For me, writing was always that one thing that I could do no matter where I was or what I was feeling. I could be running around outside as a child and think of a lyric to a song and then I would sprint inside to write down the lines before I forgot. I wish we never drifted so far from our childhood images of ourselves. I wish I still had that spark to create anything and not worry about if it is good or not. I would just do it because I loved it.
As much as my self acceptance, inner dialogue and self love is a work in progress it is one that I know I will work on for the rest of my life. You know that saying about not putting on someone else’s seatbelt before you have already fastened yours? I never really thought of how much truth it holds in life until I was in my early twenties. You can never fully help/love/care for someone until you care for and love yourself. Maybe it takes 10 years and maybe it takes one, but all I know is there is no time line to self love. There is no deadline for when you are supposed to be good at anything. With enough hard work and ambition it will all work out.